Oksothen Makes Sweet Hot Chili Sauce

Pucker up Emeril wannabes! I have received my first guest recipe. My buddy oksothen submits her sweet hot chili sauce recipe and,  more importantly, you finally have photos taken by someone who doesn’t have photography skills akin to young Helen Keller directing a Broadway musical.

Sweet Chili Sauce1. Shit you need:  3-4 lbs of assorted hot peppers (whatever the fuck you like), sugar,  pectin, distilled vinegar, red food coloring. Also, wear gloves so you don’t burn out your eyes, mouth, lips or genitalia later when you touch them with your peppery-ass fingers.

Sweet Hot Chili Sauce

2.  Wash and clean seeds out of peppers. Chop until you have 4 cups worth of chopped up pepper. At the same time, measure out 5 cups of sugar.

Sweet Hot Chili Sauce3. Boil the peppers with 1 cup of vinegar and one package of pectin.

Sweet Hot Chili Sauce4. After a hot minute of boiling, add all that sweet ass sugar at once and bring the mixture back up to a boil. Stir that shit while it’s boiling

Sweet Hot Chili Sauce5. After a minute or so you can add some food coloring if you need you chili to be all colorful and shit.  Maybe you want to make it blue instead, I don’t know your life!

Sweet Hot Chilli Sauce6.  Bottle it, Tupperware it or Can it, I don’t give a fuck.  Even without canning ,it will stay some months. Enjoy!

French Toast With Caramel and Banana

 

Burden

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my favorite things is eating and awesome dish and going home and trying to recreate it in a simple way. This one is no different.  Hold onto your butts because I’m about to make breakfast right!

French Toast Banana Foster1. You’ll need bananas(duh), butter, an egg, milk, cinnamon, vanilla extract, brown sugar and a nice thick toast like Texas toast. None of that wimpy shit.

French Toast Banana Foster2. Slice your fucking banana.

French Toast Banana Foster3.  Melt half a stick of butter in a saucepan and add a cup of brown sugar. Once that bitch caramelizes add a half cup of milk and a tablespoon of vanilla and lower the heat after stirring. 

French Toast Banana Foster4. For the French Toast mix, add equal amounts beaten egg and milk. Coat the top with cinnamon. If anyone ever tells you that you use too much cinnamon you need to cut that mofo from your life. Beat it vigorously(TWSS).

French Toast Banana Foster5. Dip both sides of the toast in the mix and let it soak it up. Fry both sides in butter until golden. Once the toast it cooked place bananas and caramel sauce over it.

French Toast Banana Foster

6. Fall into a diabetic coma.

 

Dry Jerk Chicken Wings

Saying dry jerk rub never comes out right but that’s what we’re doing today anyways. I usually make a wet jerk sauce/marinade but I decided to experiment with a dry spice blend.

Dry Jerk Rub1. You’ll need wings, flour and your whole fucking spice cabinet.

Dry Jerk Rub2. Mix 2 tablespoons allspice and thyme leaves. 3 teaspoons red pepper, black pepper and sage. 1 and a half teaspoons nutmeg and cinnamon. 4 tablespoons garlic power. 2 tablespoons sugar. 2 teaspoons lemon zest, orange peel and adobo. I told you you’d need your whole spice cabinet.

Dry Jerk Rub3. Season chicken wings with adobo because I can’t get enough of that magical shit.

Dry Jerk Rub4. Toss wings in flour.

Dry Jerk Rub5. Fry them.

Dry Jerk Rub6. Or bake them (if you’re into that sort of thing)

Dry Jerk Rub7.  Toss with a little of the spice blend. Serve and watch people be impressed with your fancy ass chicken wings.

Today We Make Brandy-Q Sauce

Brandy-Q Sauce1. 1 cup ketchup, 4 tablespoons brown sugar, 4 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce,
 2 tablespoons vinegar, 2 tablespoons jerk seasoning (I usually make my own jerk seasoning but we’ll get to that eventually), 2 tablespoons garlic, 1/2 teaspoon mustard, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup brandy.

Brandy-Q Sauce2. Combine in a bowl and add it to something delicious to make it even more deliciouser.