Today We Make An Award Winning Burger

A Dangerous Experiment

You see what happens?

I’ve been trying to do this update F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Unfortunately my real job has been keeping me pretty busy. Anyways, remember way back when I said I would give you something to pair with some extra sexy special fries?

4-Alarm Cheeseburger1. Bread crumbs, egg, a lb of beef, pepper jack cheese, a bun, garlic, pickled jalapeno, Worcestershire sauce, red pepper powder, red pepper flakes, Italian seasoning, mayonnaise.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger2. To the beef add half a beaten egg, some Italian seasoning, a couple spoon fulls of bread crumb, a generous amount of red pepper flakes and soak that son of a bitch in Worcestershire sauce.  start grilling that shit after you form it into patties.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger3. Mix mayo with red pepper powder. Mix as much as your weak ass can take.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger4. Put a slice of pepper jack on the burger when it’s almost done.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger5. Toast the bun and place the burger and some jalapeno on it.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger6. Put your spicy mayo on the top of the bun.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger7. I added bacon just for the hell of it.

Today We Make Meatballs

"Actually could I have that to go?"

“Actually could I have that to go?”

So I mentioned a while ago that I entered a local meatball competition and lost. That’s what I get for choosing such a safe recipe! What do I have to do to win? Make Jamaican jerk turkey balls in brown sauce?! OH MY GOD I NEED TO MAKE THOSE! Anyways, here is the recipe for my Loser Balls Sketch Balls.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs1. What you need is a shit ton of things so I won’t bother listing them here.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs2. Chop up and fry a couple slices of bacon

Bacon Gouda Meatballs3. Chop up half an onion and try not to cry like a little baby about it.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs4. Shred a quarter pound of smoked gouda which I may or may not have bitten into first…

Bacon Gouda Meatballs5. Beat up and egg

Bacon Gouda Meatballs6.  Here’s the confusing part that I can’t do with my usual “flair”:

1/2 Tbsp Italian Seasoning
1/2 Tbsp Red Pepper Flakes
3/4 Tbsp Minced Garlic.
1 Tbsp worshestershire sauce
1 tsp adobo
1/2 tsp parsley

Bacon Gouda Meatballs7. Mix in the bacon and gouda and onions.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs8. Mix 1 1/4 pounds ground beef with 1/4 cup of bread crumb in and don’t go touching everything with your nasty-ass raw beef and egg hands.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs9. Form into balls and coat with olive oil. If you like big balls make big ones. If you like small ones then well…make em small.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs10. Bake in oven until desired internal donededness and then brown outside in oil in a pan.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs11. How could these lose anything?!

Bacon Gouda Meatballs12. I had mine that night with some simple red sauce which I may or may not give a recipe for at a later time. I added fresh basil leaves on top for extra fanciness.


Today We Talk About Competition

Sore Winners

I don’t really care. Unless I win. Then I REALLY REALLY care.

So I recently entered a meatball recipe competition at a local restaurant. Sadly I did not win but I’ll blog the recipe anyways. This comes on the heels of another G-D defeat where my friend, the author of Escaping the Cube Farm and Things Madame Loves, beat me at my own bake off. But enough about losing lets talk about WINNING! I have won a couple local food competitions (Okay they were fucking backyard cook-offs but whatever) and recently on an online community I had a chopped-ish throw down.

Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chips.Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsWe had to use green beans, pineapple, sweet potato and bacon’s classy cousin prosciutto.

Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsI took that sweet potato to my mandolin because I thought sweet potato chips would be a good idea (and they were a good idea because I am awesome and full of good ideas despite my current losing streak)

Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsAfter frying them up I sprinkled them with some truffled salt because as always I’m a fancy motherfucker

Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsProsciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsI took the cooked green beans and pineapple and added some onion and spices to make some sort of…chutney like…thing…paste….sauce?

Prosciutto quesadilla with pinapple greenbean chutney and sweet potato chipsWorked a little CT magic and put it together and lightly toasted the quesadilla and BOOM! WINNAH! Lets just….forget about that meatball comp…and the bake off.