Today We Make An Award Winning Burger

A Dangerous Experiment

You see what happens?

I’ve been trying to do this update F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Unfortunately my real job has been keeping me pretty busy. Anyways, remember way back when I said I would give you something to pair with some extra sexy special fries?

4-Alarm Cheeseburger1. Bread crumbs, egg, a lb of beef, pepper jack cheese, a bun, garlic, pickled jalapeno, Worcestershire sauce, red pepper powder, red pepper flakes, Italian seasoning, mayonnaise.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger2. To the beef add half a beaten egg, some Italian seasoning, a couple spoon fulls of bread crumb, a generous amount of red pepper flakes and soak that son of a bitch in Worcestershire sauce.  start grilling that shit after you form it into patties.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger3. Mix mayo with red pepper powder. Mix as much as your weak ass can take.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger4. Put a slice of pepper jack on the burger when it’s almost done.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger5. Toast the bun and place the burger and some jalapeno on it.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger6. Put your spicy mayo on the top of the bun.

4-Alarm Cheeseburger7. I added bacon just for the hell of it.

Today We Celebrate Grilled Cheese

Well evidently it’s National Grilled Cheese Month or some shit like that so I thought I’d contribute. It’s technically got cheese and bread so it totally counts!

Pulled Barbeque Beef Briskey Grilled Cheese1. Brandy-Q Sauce, Muenster cheese, Beef Broth, Brisket, Paprika, Cumin, Turmeric, Garlic Salt and Thick White Bread.

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese2. Rub down that brisket with cumin, turmeric, garlic salt and paprika. Rub it down reaaaalll good…get in deep… (wipes away sweat)

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese3. Slow cook the brisket half covered in beef broth until that son of a bitch just falls apart (8 hours on high approx.)

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese4. Pull it apart.

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese5. Mix with sauce

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese6. Butter up a hot pan.

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese7. Place bread then cheese then brisket then cheese then bread again

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese8. flip it and add more butter to pan. Yes, more butter god dammit!

Pulled Barbeque Brisket Grilled Cheese9. Commence coronary blockage

Today We Make Meatballs

"Actually could I have that to go?"

“Actually could I have that to go?”

So I mentioned a while ago that I entered a local meatball competition and lost. That’s what I get for choosing such a safe recipe! What do I have to do to win? Make Jamaican jerk turkey balls in brown sauce?! OH MY GOD I NEED TO MAKE THOSE! Anyways, here is the recipe for my Loser Balls Sketch Balls.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs1. What you need is a shit ton of things so I won’t bother listing them here.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs2. Chop up and fry a couple slices of bacon

Bacon Gouda Meatballs3. Chop up half an onion and try not to cry like a little baby about it.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs4. Shred a quarter pound of smoked gouda which I may or may not have bitten into first…

Bacon Gouda Meatballs5. Beat up and egg

Bacon Gouda Meatballs6.  Here’s the confusing part that I can’t do with my usual “flair”:

1/2 Tbsp Italian Seasoning
1/2 Tbsp Red Pepper Flakes
3/4 Tbsp Minced Garlic.
1 Tbsp worshestershire sauce
1 tsp adobo
1/2 tsp parsley

Bacon Gouda Meatballs7. Mix in the bacon and gouda and onions.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs8. Mix 1 1/4 pounds ground beef with 1/4 cup of bread crumb in and don’t go touching everything with your nasty-ass raw beef and egg hands.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs9. Form into balls and coat with olive oil. If you like big balls make big ones. If you like small ones then well…make em small.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs10. Bake in oven until desired internal donededness and then brown outside in oil in a pan.

Bacon Gouda Meatballs11. How could these lose anything?!

Bacon Gouda Meatballs12. I had mine that night with some simple red sauce which I may or may not give a recipe for at a later time. I added fresh basil leaves on top for extra fanciness.


Today We Make Saint Patrick’s Day Easy

What madness is this? A recipe using only FOUR ingredients?! Not even oil or salt because Bacon provides its own lubrication and deliciousness?! AND IT’S USING A SLOW COOKER SO I CAN DO OTHER SHIT WHILE IT COOKS DINNER FOR ME?! (And goes great with roasted potatoes). I was going to do my take on shepherd’s pie but I didn’t want to get into to the debate of whether it was English or Irish (can we use Engrish for that too?). However, A slow-cooked bacon kraut corned beef brisket was too delicious to pass up.

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Brisket1. That’s it. 6 slices of bacon 3-4 lb corned beef brisket, a bag of kraut and a box of beef broth!

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Brisket2. Cut up the bacon and fry it up till almost crispy. Throw it in the cooker

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Brisket3. WHOA WHOA! Don’t throw away perfectly good bacon grease! The hell is wrong with you? brown both sides of the brisket for a couple minutes in that delicious bacon fat. Throw it in the cooker

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Brisket4. Let the kraut fry for a couple minutes and soak up the rest. Throw it in the cooker

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Briske5. Add in enough broth to not quite cover the brisket. Cook for 6-8 hours on high and go to work or go shopping or take a nap. I don’t care just don’t stare at it for 8 hours like a dumbass

Slow Cooked Bacon Kraut Corned Beef Briske6. Have a happy St. Patrick’s Day.